I have worked with this colleague for a number of years – we do a similar job in offices on opposite sides of the country. We’ve come to know each other pretty well, and have built up a good relationship. This was only the second time that we had met in person.
As I approached her I reached forward, right arm outstretched to shake her hand. At the same time, she leant forward to give me a kiss on the cheek. What resulted was a messy hand shake/shoulder collision that left us both feeling rather awkward.
I was left in a dilemma about what to do in these situations. Here’s why:
1. a hand shake is the safest move when greeting someone. To go in for a kiss on the cheek when you aren’t 100% sure it will be welcomed is a dangerous move.
2. however, to not kiss when the other person thinks a kiss is appropriate might show disrespect for the relationship, indicating that you don’t think the relationship is as close as they do.
Today I had lunch with some friends and I discussed this with them. I now have even more questions, for example:
- can you kiss someone the first time you meet?
- do you kiss each time you meet, or only when you haven’t seen them for a while?
- when you kiss, should your lips actually make contact with their cheek, or should you simply brush cheeks and kiss the air?
- who should make the first move to kiss?
- what should you do you do with your arms and hands when you kiss?
- how long should you make contact for?
I think in future I will just say ‘hello’ and smile warmly!
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While I make no claims to being an expert on the subject, my thoughts are
- It is the boy’s job to kiss the girl’s cheek. It is appropriate to actually make contact.
- If you’re on the ball, a handshake can be turned into a kiss, you’ve just gotta see the signs early enough
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